Motivation Shots from The Doc

Do you have any difficult employees in your business? Managing people and particularly difficult ones, is the hardest job in the world. No one shows you what to do; there are very few training programmes, and most people believe it is just something you can or can’t do.

The reason it’s such a hard job, is that every human being is different. Just because you successfully manage one in a particular way, does not mean to say you’ll be successful with others. Humans are the most complex and complicated pieces of equipment you’ll ever have to deal with. Many of them have similarities but every one of them is different and they all work in a slightly different way. They are totally driven by their emotions and are unlikely to respond to any logical argument.

Who are they?

So, what do we mean by a difficult person? It could someone who bullies, manipulates, annoys you and causes you unhappiness and stress. They say or do things you don’t like or find offensive and unacceptable. And, of course, this creates problems in the workplace. There are a whole range of behaviours that we may classify as difficult. I could list at least sixty, but not all of these are difficult for everyone. Some people may regard a complainer as a difficult person, whereas others couldn’t care less if someone complains or not.

Why tell me why?

You’ve no doubt asked yourself why some people are difficult. Stress can cause people to be difficult and they get stressed for all sorts of reasons. Often it’s just their inability to deal with aspects of their job and their personal life. They tend to blame other people and circumstances, but most often they have the answers within themselves.

It’s fair to say that people sometimes have problems that are out with their control. A death in the family, breakdown of a marriage or a relationship, problems with children, or they may have health issues.

It’s often the case in the workplace, that people find difficulty in doing their job and finding help. Although they may not admit to this, they might feel inadequate and express their frustration by complaining, being negative and difficult.

Some people are not conscious of how they’re perceived by others. They believe that their behaviour is quite normal and are unable to understand why some people see it otherwise.

We all see the world differently from each other. But some people’s programming causes them to become annoyed when others don’t see it as they see it.

Some people’s lack of self-confidence and belief in themselves, often causes them to be angry at the world. They believe that other people are out to do them down and that everything is against them.

Acknowledgement will help

Are you frustrated by that difficult employee who never seems to do things quite right and takes up so much of your time and attention? It’s very easy to fall into the trap of condemning that person as a no-hoper or a problem child. But have you ever considered why they might be behaving badly? It could be that they have a massive need for acknowledgement.

A human’s need for acknowledgement is so strong that they’ll sometimes behave badly to get that acknowledgement. I’m sure you’re aware of children who behave badly in school just to get attention – well, adults do it too.

Acknowledgement is about recognition or attention from another person. It can be physical such as – a pat on the back, a touch or a handshake. It can also be psychological such as – a word of praise, a compliment, even a “hello!” It can also just be time spent with the person.

Physical and psychological attentions are absolutely vital to human beings. We all need it and we need it every day. However, it must be said that every human being has a different level of need for acknowledgement. Some people need a lot, others less so.

You get more of what you reward

Here’s one way to manage a difficult employee. Try concentrating on what they do well and tell them about it. Spend less time with and even ignore them when they behave badly. It’s not uncommon for managers to invest 90 per cent of their energy responding to negative performance and only 10 per cent strengthening positive performance. If you reward good behaviour – you’ll get more of it. If you reward bad behaviour – you’ll get more of it.

Don’t let them get to you

Prevention is always better than cure and can make your life a whole lot easier when managing difficult people. As stated earlier; human beings are almost totally driven by their emotions. It therefore makes sense to communicate on both a human and business level when dealing with another person. This is about all the simple things like using their name, being warm and friendly; listening and showing that you’re listening. It’s about increasing your likeability factor. It’s not about be nicey-nicey; it’s just harder for people to be difficult if they feel that you genuinely care and are interested in them.

It’s also important not to get hooked by the other person’s behaviour. Stay out of it emotionally and don’t rise to the bait.

Some words are better than others. Telling the other person to calm down or that they can’t or that they’ll have to do something, can often exacerbate a situation.

It’s also important to be aware that the other person may not see a situation they way you see it. They see the world differently from you and believe that what they say, how they behave, and their expectations are all acceptable.

Managing difficult people is a challenge we all face at some time in our life and prevention will always be better than cure. It’s important to choose your behaviour and not allow the difficult person to choose it for you. Don’t allow yourself to be Hooked by what other people say or do; always think before opening your mouth or taking action. Choose to be Assertive when you need to; allowing yourself to be Submissive or Aggressive, will make life much harder for you.

When faced with a difficult person, be it a colleague or a customer; always be aware that they may see the world differently from you. Empathise with their viewpoint and offer solutions that ensure a win-win outcome.

If you want to know more, then check out the book –

Related articles

• Managing Difficult People – You get what you reward (managedifficultpeople.com)