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Archive for the ‘Difficult people’ Category

How to Have More Brain Energy and Less Stress

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on September 7th, 2010 View Comments

Do you leap out of bed every morning full of energy and enthusiasm? Do you go home at the end of the day full of energy and enthusiasm? Would you like to remember what it’s like to have energy and enthusiasm?

The successful business person needs lots of Energy!
You need Brain Energy and you need Body Energy. However as with any other kind of energy, it’s constantly being drained away and needs replacing.
Dealing with people, your customers and your team, can both drain your brain and your body – and you probably don’t need me to tell you that.

But for the moment, let’s look at Brain Energy.

Imagine that you receive a call or an email from your boss saying – “Could you come in and see me, I need a word with you.”

If you react to that with – “Oh no! What does he want, what’s wrong now? What have I done?” That sort of reaction drains your brain of energy and gives you stress.

Successful business people don’t react – they think!

Reacting drains the brain – thinking, less so.

Get the thinking bit working and say to yourself – “I’ll phone him now; I’ll speak to him and see what he wants. If it’s about the poor business results, then what information do I need to make my case? Perhaps he wants to talk about that vacant manager’s position that I could fill.”

Whatever you’re thinking – stop the negative stuff – it’ll kill you!

If one of your colleagues comes to you with a problem or you receive a complaint from a customer; don’t react!
Start thinking – “Let’s see what I can do about this.”

Do not, and I repeat – Do not say – “Oh no! What am I going to do now?” Every time you say – “Oh no!” Your brain has a huge drain of energy, and that leads to stress!

People will tell you that there’s good stress and bad stress. I’m talking about bad stress, and it occurs when your brain is drained of energy. Some business people seem to believe that it ‘goes with the territory’ and some even wear it as a ‘badge of honour’ telling you how stressed they are all the time.

They also believe that it can’t be avoided; it’s part of being in business and the world we live in. Organisations do have a responsibility to minimise levels of stress in their workforce, but we have a responsibility for ourselves.

It’s very important to minimise your levels of stress and you can do that by thinking rather than reacting. Challenge your inbuilt programs, stop saying – “That makes me really mad” or “That really gets on my nerves.”

Start saying – “This is something I have to deal with, and I’ll deal with it” – You have the choice.

I know your probably thinking (or is it reacting) – “That’s all very well Alan, but its hard sometimes not to get stressed.”
You’re absolutely right however; let me give you some more reasons why you need to work at minimising it.

Stress can cause heart disease, sleeplessness, sexual problems, overeating, drinking too much, loss of concentration and stomach upsets.
Research is now telling us that many, if not most of our illnesses can be related to stress.

When we get stressed, a chemical is released into our bloodstream called Cortisol, sometimes known as the Stress Hormone. High levels of Cortisol can lead to diabetes and skin problems.
There is also a suggestion that Cortisol attacks our immune system and leaves us vulnerable to many of the bugs and viruses that come along. This also includes cancer.
So if you’ve ever suffered from skin complaints or perhaps too many colds, it could very well be the results of stress.

I don’t want to scare you death, or give you any more stress, I just want you to – think!

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Posted in Customer service, Difficult people, Motivation

7 Steps to Become a Powerful Persuader

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on July 12th, 2010 View Comments

Don’t you just hate it when people won’t listen and accept what you say?

I’ll always remember the first sales course I ever attended and the definition of selling that was drummed into my brain.

“Selling is the art of creating a desire in the mind of a buyer and satisfying that desire so that buyer and seller benefit.”

Now that may seem a bit old fashioned for many of today’s salespeople; but I believe the principle still holds true, particularly if we’re attempting to persuade another person. That could be a member of your team, a colleague, a customer, of even someone in your personal life.

If you’re going to persuade someone to change their behaviour, their viewpoint, their attitude, any other aspect of their business or personal life, then you’re talking about changing a mindset.
If anyone is going to change their mindset, then they need to envisage benefits for them that outweigh their present circumstances or situation.
If you’re the person doing the persuading, then you need the following skills, qualities and characteristics which make you believable and credible.

Belief - Successful persuaders believe in themselves and what they’re talking about. After all, if you don’t believe in what you’re saying, how do you expect anyone else to?

Enthusiasm – I’ve known people who totally believe in what they’re saying but fail to communicate with any enthusiasm or passion. Many people find difficulty with this; however, if you want to persuade someone, you’d better find a way to get enthusiastic about it.

Knowledge – you must know what you’re talking about, so make sure you have all the information, facts, figures and statistics to make your case.

Empathy – Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What do you think is important to them? Consider carefully why they should accept what you’re saying.
If someone is frightened of flying, then there’s no point in telling them not to be silly and to stop behaving like a baby. You need to think about how you might feel in these circumstances, and what might persuade you to change your mind. You need to outweigh the fear with benefits relevant to the individual.

Persistence – if you want to persuade someone, don’t give up on the first “no” or rejection of what you say. Persist and persist – but do it nicely!
People wont necessarily react in a negative way to your persistence when they realise you really believe what you’re saying.

There’s a fine line between being persistent and being a nuisance. Watch the other person’s reactions, and if it looks like you’re persisting too much – stop!
Energy – put energy into all your interactions with other people. Energy fuels enthusiasm; we are persuaded by people with energy.
Many TV presenters use their energy to sell us their ideas. Think of the celebrity chefs on TV persuading us to produce fabulous meals, or other presenters who get us all excited about re-modelling our homes or gardens.

Consistency – Everything you do or say is important, everything counts. If you want to be a powerful persuader then you must be consistent. If you’re trying to persuade someone to keep their promises, then you must always keep yours. If you say – “I’ll phone you back in ten minutes” then phone them back in nine minutes.

To be a powerful persuader you need many skills, qualities and characteristics. Even with them all in place, there is still no guarantee of success. However, people are more likely to be persuaded by people they trust, they like and have a good relationship with.

If you want to listen to this article or dowload it to your MP3 player; please click this link.

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Posted in Customer service, Difficult people, Leadership, Management, Sales

Difficult People Just Have a Different Programme

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on July 2nd, 2010 View Comments

Have you been late for anything or anyone today, or are you one of these people who is always on time?

In any interaction between people, there will always be:

The way they see it – The way you see it – The way it is.

Take the example of Dave who usually arrives about 10-15 minutes late for a meeting.

The way he sees it is - ‘We’re supposed to meet at 8 and I’m here just after that. I don’t suppose anyone expects me to be here dead on 8 o’clock.’

If you’re an on time person then:

The way you see it is – ‘Dave is so selfish, he just shows up whenever it suits him. I’ve been here since 7.45 so that we can start at 8 o’clock; he has no respect for me or any of his colleagues.’

The way it is – Dave arrived at 8.12am

Your programming tells you that people should show up early or dead on time for a meeting. Dave’s programming, tells him that; ‘It’s only a meeting, it’ll be boring anyway, so we’ll try to have a laugh, and I’ll get there when I get there!’

I’m the person who always turns up early for an appointment, be it business or pleasure. I have friends who are like me, and always turn up on time; and I have other friends who arrive just when they’re ready. At one time I might have allowed this to annoy me; but now I try to think rather than react. I realise that this is the way these friends are, and in no way does it make them any less of a friend.

Let’s pick on Dave again; he might say to a customer – ‘I’ll phone you back in a couple of minutes.’ He may intend to phone them back when he has all the information. That could be within ten minutes, thirty minutes, one hour or the next two hours. The other person on hearing that Dave is going to phone back in a couple of minutes, may sit by the phone waiting for it to ring. When it doesn’t, they phone back, in a negative frame of mind, and then Dave has a difficult person to deal with.

Personal relationships often come to grief because of this inability to see it the way the other person does. A man may stop for a drink with his friends after work and phone his wife to say that he will be home later. She translates later as perhaps 8 to 9 pm. But he believes later is – ‘you’ll see me when you see me;’ guess what happens?

We are all very different. How often have you been to a play or a movie and thoroughly enjoyed it; however, the person you were with, didn’t enjoy it at all. You think – ‘What’s wrong with them; they must be stupid, or perhaps they’re just being difficult.’

When someone doesn’t see things the way you do, there is potential for you to get stressed and collect negative feelings. What then happens is; you dump these negative feelings on the other person, and then you have a difficult situation. The way to avoid these negative feelings is to:

  • Accept people the way they are
  • Decide not to react to other people’s behaviour
  • Be responsible for your own feelings
  • Change you expectations
  • Ask for help when you need it
  • Think before you communicate

Some food for thought; next time you have to deal with a difficult person, remember, they may just be running a different programme from you.

If you want to listen to this article or download it to your MP3 player, please click here

Posted in Difficult people, Leadership, Management, Motivation

5 Benefits of Positive Feedback

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on June 29th, 2010 View Comments

Do you remember how you felt after your last interaction with another person either on the phone or face to face? That person – it could have been a customer, a colleague, a salesperson, a friend or even a member of your family.

  • Did they make you feel good, uplifted and more positive?

Or

  • Did they leave you feeling neutral?

Or

  • Did they make you feel down and more negative?

Unfortunately, most of us have grown up in a negative culture where it’s much easier to tell people what they did wrong rather than praising them when they succeed.

Research in the United States found that 65% of employees received no recognition for good work in the past year.  Similar research in other countries of the world shows comparable results.
Other research has shown that the number one reason people leave their job, and customers take their business elsewhere, is that they don’t feel appreciated.
And if you think about it; many people leave their partners for the very same reason!

If customer’s leave an interaction with you or one of your team feeling better than they did before, then they’re much more likely to:

  • Come back
  • Recommend you to other people
  • Spend more with you.

If one of your team feels better after an interaction with you then they’re much more likely to pass that feeling onto a customer.

“The way you treat your staff is the way they’ll treat your customers” – Karl Albrecht

If you give five positive comments to one negative comment to the other people in your life, then you’ll have:

  1. More happy customers
  2. A workplace that’s more productive and more fun
  3. More friends
  4. Better relationships
  5. A healthier, happier and longer life

Remember – “Hand out warm glows, not dampeners.”

To listen to this post, please click -  The Benefits of Positive Feedback

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Posted in Customer service, Difficult people, Leadership, Management, Motivation, Sales

How to Manage Difficult People Book Review

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on June 24th, 2010 View Comments

Book review taken from BuilderJobs magazine:

“The author worked as a manager in sales and customer service for 15 years, so he should know a thing or two about dealing with difficult people, and his practical expertise certainly shows. This book is stuffed with sound advice, although Fairweather can be a trifle self-indulgent at times. Covers all the bases, from identifying difficult people to developing strategies for success.”

I wonder what the reviewer means by ‘self-indulgent’!?

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Handling Difficult People – Procurement Asia Magazine

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on June 22nd, 2010 View Comments

If you have any difficulty reading this, please let me know and I’ll send the original article.

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Discover the Cure for Cranky Customers

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on June 10th, 2010 View Comments

Article from Today’s Manager – Singapore

If you have difficulty reading this, please let me know and I’ll send you the original copy.

Posted in Customer service, Difficult people, Management

Managing Difficult People – Don’t Let Pet Peeves Hook You

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on June 8th, 2010 View Comments

Do you have any pet peeves that annoy you about other people?

When I’m running a Managing Difficult People seminar, I ask the participants to make a list of pet peeves that they have about other people, either in their business or personal life.

Some of the participants are reluctant to admit their pet peeves. They believe they shouldn’t have any, or they’re too embarrassed to admit to them. With a bit of encouragement from me, and some of the more outspoken members of the group, we eventually end up with a huge list on the flip chart.

People will talk about things that irritate them about other people, and drive them crazy. Things they disapprove of, find embarrassing, or just don’t like. Here are some of the pet peeves I’ve heard from seminar participants:

Speaking with your mouth full
Bad breath
Body odour
Not saying please or thank you
General bad manners
Answering a mobile phone in the middle of a conversation
Squeezing the toothpaste from the wrong end
Putting a toilet roll on the holder the wrong way around
Untidiness
Bad timekeeping
Smoking
Obesity
Drunkenness
Not looking you in the eye
Slurping food or drink
Not listening
Loud music
Loud people

As you will see, the list goes on and on.

Once we have all these pet peeves on our flip chart, I then ask the group to vote on each one. In a group of, let’s say, 20 people; 12 people might say ‘speaking with your mouth full’ is a pet peeve for them. Another 6 people might say ‘untidiness’ is a peeve for them.

What comes out of this, as you will see, is that not all of us have the same pet peeves. If you consistently arrive late, this can drive some people crazy, while others don’t really care if you’re late or not.

You develop these pet peeves based on how you were brought up; how you were programmed. You probably learned them from your parents and all the other people you grew up with.

When I was a child, I was never allowed to waste food. I had to eat everything that was on my plate before I could leave the table. This programming is so strong, that as an adult I admit to being a bit peeved by people who pick at their food and leave lots on the plate without eating it.

When we interact with other people it is highly possible that we allow our pet peeves to influence that interaction.

I was running a seminar for some bank employees and several of them stated the same pet peeve. They hate when a customer answers their mobile phone in the middle of a transaction or a conversation. Because the bank employee finds this behaviour annoying, it could potentially affect how he or she deals with the customer.

The staff member’s annoyance, albeit slight, may be transmitted to a customer by tone of voice or body language. It is then possible that the customer may become difficult. Any customer’s behaviour, which is a pet peeve for you, may hook you into negative behaviour, and that will potentially cause problems.

The other aspect of this is; we all have pet peeves, however, what may be a pet peeve for you may not be for the other person. You may think that being a bit late with your report is not such a big deal; but the other person does, and that, potentially, causes them to be difficult.

Some food for thought!

If you want to listen to this article or download it to your MP3 player; please click here.

Posted in Customer service, Difficult people, Leadership, Management, Motivation

How to Lose More Customers

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on May 21st, 2010 View Comments

Have you ever heard people in your organisation saying – “This would be a great business if it wasn’t for the customers?”

Well it’s really easy to get rid of customers, you don’t have to do very much at all; but let me come back to that, I need to have a whinge first!

I recently phoned the manager of the local Virgin Active Gym where I’m a member. He had previously asked me to contact him if I had any concerns about their service.
I politely pointed out that I was less than happy with the way the club kept changing the times of fitness classes, at short notice, and with no concern for what the members want.
He said he’d look into it and get back to me – I never heard a word!

Turnover of members in gyms and health clubs is extremely high. They spend a great deal of time and money trying to recruit new members.
I’m sure you’ve heard that it cost five times as much to find a new customer as it does to hold onto an existing one.

So let’s consider why you lose customers. A survey suggested that customers leave a business for four basic reasons:
1.    14% leave because they’re dissatisfied with the quality of the product or service
2.    9% leave because of price
3.    5% leave for other reasons such as they die, leave the area or have no further need for your product or service
4.   And wait for it – A whacking great 72% leave because of “supplier indifference”

Over the past few months four of my friends have cancelled their membership of the gym. They haven’t given up on their fitness regime they’ve just moved to other gyms, much smaller and more personal.

They just felt that the gym, we were members of, didn’t seem to care whether they were there or not. (Supplier indifference)
The facilities at the gym are good but the communication with the staff could be much improved.

Too many organisations give customers the impression that they don’t care about repeat business. I’ve stayed in hotels, dealt with banks and stores and dealt with many suppliers who didn’t seem to care whether I came back or not.

A member of staff at one budget airline recently told me that if I didn’t like being delayed for two and a half hours then I could always go elsewhere.

We need to continually let our customers know that we care about them. We need to keep in touch, write to them, send them information and occasionally ‘phone them. And we certainly need to call them back when they phone us!

When they contact us we need to make sure we sound warm and friendly, pleased to hear from them, efficient and maybe even look and sound like we’re fun to do business with.

It’s not a lot different from our personal relationships. If we don’t keep telling the people close to us how much we care, or keep writing and ‘phoning, then we shouldn’t be surprised if they leave us one day.

Remember the saying – “When should you tell your partner that you care about them – before somebody else does!”

Use logic and emotion to keep customers. Give them the best products or service and give value for money. However, always remember, your competitors will be doing much the same thing.

The difference will be determined by how you communicate either face to face, on the ‘phone, by letter or email.

Overall, customers just want to feel good. They want to feel better after they’ve dealt with you or anyone in your business, than they did before.

If you can create that feeling, then you’re well on the way to keeping your customers.

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Posted in Customer service, Difficult people, Leadership, Management

Words to Avoid when Managing Difficult People

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on May 14th, 2010 View Comments

You probably realise how the wrong tone of voice and negative body language can cause problems when dealing with other people, particularly customers and staff. However, using the wrong words can also make a difficult situation worse!

There are certain trigger words that cause people to become more difficult especially in emotionally charged situations and they should be avoided. They include:

Have to – as in – ‘You’ll have to speak to the sales department yourself’
I can’t or you can’t – as in – ‘I can’t do anything about that’ or ‘You can’t do that’
I’ll try – as in – ‘I’ll try and speak to finance department today’
But – as in – ‘I agree with what you’re saying but……..’
Sorry – as in – ‘I’m sorry ’bout that’

Have to, Don’t or Can’t are words that annoy people. They are inflammatory phrases that are best left out of any interactions, especially with difficult people.

Imagine how you feel when someone says to you:
‘You’ll have to phone a different number’
‘You’ll have to come back later’
‘I can’t help you with that’
‘I don’t have time to speak to you now’
‘You’ll have to get that finished today

‘
‘I need you to…’ This statement can come across as manipulative; it says to the other person – ‘I don’t care about you; I only care about what I need.’

Instead of the words ‘Have to’ or ‘I need you to,’ why not try – ‘Are you willing to…’ or just a straight ‘Will you….’

‘Can’t,’ can be replaced with – ‘I’m unable to because….’

The phrase ‘I’ll Try’ comes across as submissive. Some people hear these words as a commitment and expect you to do what you say. More often, people will hear it as something you probably won’t do.

‘I’ll try’ is very wishy-washy. It can be replaced with something more honest – ‘This is what I can do’ or ‘This is what I’m unable to do’

‘But…’ When you talk to difficult people, it’s a good idea to use the word ‘however’ instead of ‘but.’ When you substitute however, you’ll provide a smoother and more positive transition to new information, options or alternatives.

You could also use ‘and’ instead of ‘but.’ For example – ‘I understand your situation and the reason I’m unable to do what you ask is…’

Instead of saying ‘but,’ you could leave it out altogether. For example; instead of – ‘I agree with what you’re saying, but I can’t help you.’
Use – ‘I agree with what you’re saying. The reason I’m unable to help you is……’

Jargon – Any forms of jargon are best avoided. Every organisation has its jargon. When we use technical terms, buzz words or acronyms, the other person may not understand. They may also feel that you are talking down to them; this makes them feel patronised and uncomfortable.

Sorry is an overused word; everyone says it when something goes wrong and it’s lost its value. If you really need to use the sorry word; it’s far better to use it as part of a whole sentence – ‘I’m sorry your sleep was disturbed Mr. Fairweather; next time you visit us please ask for a quiet room and we’ll do our best to provide it.’

You will often hear someone saying – ‘Sorry to have kept you waiting.’
Far better to say – ‘Thank you for waiting Mr Brown, I now have the information you want.’

‘Calm down’ is something you should definitely avoid saying to a difficult person. It can have the totally opposite effect.

‘Its Company policy,’ is another phrase that can make a difficult situation worse. If you say to a customer – ‘I can’t help because its company policy’
They will interpret this as – ‘You’re just using this as an excuse not to help me.’

It’s far better to say what the company policy is – ‘I’m unable to help you, and the reason is – giving you the information you’ve asked for would be a security risk for both you and our company.’

At the end of the day the answer to a difficult person could be -’No.’ However, choosing your words more carefully will have a more positive affect on how he or she reacts and ultimately responds to you.

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