Tips and Techniques to Apply for a Healthy and Productive Workplace

Posts Tagged ‘Behaviour’

How to Have More Brain Energy and Less Stress

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Do you leap out of bed every morning full of energy and enthusiasm? Do you go home at the end of the day full of energy and enthusiasm? Would you like to remember what it’s like to have energy and enthusiasm?

The successful business person needs lots of Energy!
You need Brain Energy and you need Body Energy. However as with any other kind of energy, it’s constantly being drained away and needs replacing.
Dealing with people, your customers and your team, can both drain your brain and your body – and you probably don’t need me to tell you that.

But for the moment, let’s look at Brain Energy.

Imagine that you receive a call or an email from your boss saying – “Could you come in and see me, I need a word with you.”

If you react to that with – “Oh no! What does he want, what’s wrong now? What have I done?” That sort of reaction drains your brain of energy and gives you stress.

Successful business people don’t react – they think!

Reacting drains the brain – thinking, less so.

Get the thinking bit working and say to yourself – “I’ll phone him now; I’ll speak to him and see what he wants. If it’s about the poor business results, then what information do I need to make my case? Perhaps he wants to talk about that vacant manager’s position that I could fill.”

Whatever you’re thinking – stop the negative stuff – it’ll kill you!

If one of your colleagues comes to you with a problem or you receive a complaint from a customer; don’t react!
Start thinking – “Let’s see what I can do about this.”

Do not, and I repeat – Do not say – “Oh no! What am I going to do now?” Every time you say – “Oh no!” Your brain has a huge drain of energy, and that leads to stress!

People will tell you that there’s good stress and bad stress. I’m talking about bad stress, and it occurs when your brain is drained of energy. Some business people seem to believe that it ‘goes with the territory’ and some even wear it as a ‘badge of honour’ telling you how stressed they are all the time.

They also believe that it can’t be avoided; it’s part of being in business and the world we live in. Organisations do have a responsibility to minimise levels of stress in their workforce, but we have a responsibility for ourselves.

It’s very important to minimise your levels of stress and you can do that by thinking rather than reacting. Challenge your inbuilt programs, stop saying – “That makes me really mad” or “That really gets on my nerves.”

Start saying – “This is something I have to deal with, and I’ll deal with it” – You have the choice.

I know your probably thinking (or is it reacting) – “That’s all very well Alan, but its hard sometimes not to get stressed.”
You’re absolutely right however; let me give you some more reasons why you need to work at minimising it.

Stress can cause heart disease, sleeplessness, sexual problems, overeating, drinking too much, loss of concentration and stomach upsets.
Research is now telling us that many, if not most of our illnesses can be related to stress.

When we get stressed, a chemical is released into our bloodstream called Cortisol, sometimes known as the Stress Hormone. High levels of Cortisol can lead to diabetes and skin problems.
There is also a suggestion that Cortisol attacks our immune system and leaves us vulnerable to many of the bugs and viruses that come along. This also includes cancer.
So if you’ve ever suffered from skin complaints or perhaps too many colds, it could very well be the results of stress.

I don’t want to scare you death, or give you any more stress, I just want you to – think!

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Managing Difficult People – Don’t Let Pet Peeves Hook You

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Do you have any pet peeves that annoy you about other people?

When I’m running a Managing Difficult People seminar, I ask the participants to make a list of pet peeves that they have about other people, either in their business or personal life.

Some of the participants are reluctant to admit their pet peeves. They believe they shouldn’t have any, or they’re too embarrassed to admit to them. With a bit of encouragement from me, and some of the more outspoken members of the group, we eventually end up with a huge list on the flip chart.

People will talk about things that irritate them about other people, and drive them crazy. Things they disapprove of, find embarrassing, or just don’t like. Here are some of the pet peeves I’ve heard from seminar participants:

Speaking with your mouth full
Bad breath
Body odour
Not saying please or thank you
General bad manners
Answering a mobile phone in the middle of a conversation
Squeezing the toothpaste from the wrong end
Putting a toilet roll on the holder the wrong way around
Untidiness
Bad timekeeping
Smoking
Obesity
Drunkenness
Not looking you in the eye
Slurping food or drink
Not listening
Loud music
Loud people

As you will see, the list goes on and on.

Once we have all these pet peeves on our flip chart, I then ask the group to vote on each one. In a group of, let’s say, 20 people; 12 people might say ‘speaking with your mouth full’ is a pet peeve for them. Another 6 people might say ‘untidiness’ is a peeve for them.

What comes out of this, as you will see, is that not all of us have the same pet peeves. If you consistently arrive late, this can drive some people crazy, while others don’t really care if you’re late or not.

You develop these pet peeves based on how you were brought up; how you were programmed. You probably learned them from your parents and all the other people you grew up with.

When I was a child, I was never allowed to waste food. I had to eat everything that was on my plate before I could leave the table. This programming is so strong, that as an adult I admit to being a bit peeved by people who pick at their food and leave lots on the plate without eating it.

When we interact with other people it is highly possible that we allow our pet peeves to influence that interaction.

I was running a seminar for some bank employees and several of them stated the same pet peeve. They hate when a customer answers their mobile phone in the middle of a transaction or a conversation. Because the bank employee finds this behaviour annoying, it could potentially affect how he or she deals with the customer.

The staff member’s annoyance, albeit slight, may be transmitted to a customer by tone of voice or body language. It is then possible that the customer may become difficult. Any customer’s behaviour, which is a pet peeve for you, may hook you into negative behaviour, and that will potentially cause problems.

The other aspect of this is; we all have pet peeves, however, what may be a pet peeve for you may not be for the other person. You may think that being a bit late with your report is not such a big deal; but the other person does, and that, potentially, causes them to be difficult.

Some food for thought!

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How To Manage Difficult People – Book Review

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At first glance it would be understandable to think that the title of Alan Fairweather’s book, How To Manage Difficult People, promises far more than any self-help publication can plausibly deliver.

But Fairweather has put together a readable, psycho babble-free analysis of how to get the best out of others, and a practical guide to dealing with the hostile language they sometimes use.

And the best thing is that having started out as a salesman, his insights on how to deal with people in real life sales situations are invaluable.

Our lives are defined by our interactions with others, be they lovers, co-workers, customers, family or friends. And when these relationships turn sour it can have a disastrous effect on our personal and professional lives.

But the first stumbling block Fairweather identifies is that the awkward person causing problems in your everyday life may in fact be yourself.

So first you need to consider – could it be your interactions with others that are leading to the negative responses you are experiencing?

Using a series of practical examples Fairweather breaks down the behaviours we display into six categories – fun, passive, defiant, caring, controlling and thinking.

Then, as in a game of rock, paper, scissors, he tells us which behaviour is best at combating or nullifying another. And his conclusion is that the best method is usually to get other people into thinking mode.

Individuals are driven by their emotions so if you can shift them away from dwelling on how angry they are and instead get them thinking about how you can address a problem and work with them, you can get a grip on any situation.

When faced with a difficult issue, we instinctively either want to fight, flee as quickly as possible and thus deal passively with the situation, or simply freeze.

On that basis, a key question is whether the language we use encourages people to react in a certain way. It seems that if our behaviour is passive we are more likely to encourage an aggressive and controlling response from those we are dealing with.

So for example, the act of simply saying sorry is passive and puts you on the back foot. Fairweather says it’s better to state clearly that you apologise for whatever has gone wrong and then see how you can address the situation. And for those of you with untidy desks, he’s got a handy tip. If someone says your desk is a mess and questions how you can work that way your first reaction might be to argue that you don’t have time to keep it tidy. This, he says, is a passive response.

Far better to agree that it’s untidy. This is what Fairweather calls a negative assertion that denies the person attacking your workspace management style a comeback they might be able to capitalise on. In other words, you have agreed with them without pandering to their desire to see your desk tidy.

“Remember, you have the right to have an untidy desk,” argues Fairweather – a clear call to arms for office revolutionaries across the land.

So if you want to get better at turning difficult situations to your advantage and taking a degree in psychology is not on the cards, this is the book for you.
Book review by Robert Thickett; Editor Mortgage Strategy magazine.

Use Coaching to Resolve Poor Behaviour

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Coaching is about finding out the cause of poor performance or behaviour and discussing with the team member how to put it right.

The team member might respond immediately to coaching and improve the situation. However the improvement may not always be permanent and you may have to do further coaching.

When I suggest this to some managers, they see it as some kind of touchy-feely softly-softly approach. Let me assure you right now – it’s not!
It’s about telling the team member what part of their behaviour you’re unhappy with, listening to what they have to say and agreeing a way forward.

The goal is to achieve a change in behaviour that the team member is committed to and helps you achieve your outcomes.

Think of a time when somebody, a teacher, parent, boss, – coached, taught or encouraged you get better at something.

When I ask this question on a seminar I get responses such as – “I felt good – inspired – motivated – pleased – confident – want to do better.” That’s what you’re aiming for in your team

6 reasons to coach:

1. More productive behaviour – The first objective of coaching is to resolve the poor behaviour. If it’s done properly then that’s what you’ll achieve. However there are other benefits such as happier customers and more business

2. The team member knows what’s expected – Coaching allows you to make it very clear to your team members what is expected of them. Many mangers fall into the trap of ‘assuming’ that the team member knows what’s expected. This is the cause of many examples of poor behaviour. The team member didn’t know – “reports had to be submitted by the 15th of the month.” They didn’t know – “they could give the customer their money back.” Didn’t know – “they had to be on time for the meeting.”  Coaching allows you to calmly and clearly, make clear what’s expected.

3. The team member is motivated to change – The only real motivation is internal motivation. Coaching allows you to create the environment where the team member makes the decision to change for themselves. This means that they’re more committed to the change and it’s more likely to happen. It’s also easier on you because you don’t have to ‘drive’ the person to make the changes.

4. They know you care – If you coach, in a structured way, your people will see you as supportive and understanding. They’ll know that you’re not just ‘picking’ on them and that you’re looking for a win-win situation.

5. It ensures a happy and motivated team – That means better results, you achieving your outcomes and there’s much less stress all round.

6. Less warning interviews – If you coach poor behaviour as and when it occurs then you’re likely to have far fewer warning interviews. The manager, who ignores poor behaviour, lets the situation build up and then finds himself in the ‘warning’ situation.

If you want more information on how to coach your team, please get in touch or read these books.

How to Manage Difficult People Audio/Visual

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Don’t Take Chances With First Impressions

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Are you aware of how quickly people will form an opinion about you?

A few years ago there was a television commercial for a major health insurance company. The strap line of this commercial was – You Are Amazing! It made the point that every human being is unique and totally different from any other on the planet. People are such wonderful, complex and complicated individuals. Our bodies are all constructed differently, and our minds, even more so!

When we meet and interact with other individuals we exchange all sorts of information. This is communicated by the words we use, our tone of voice and our body language. Research by psychologists suggests that we all make about eleven decisions about other people within two minutes of meeting them. We decide whether we like the other person, what their background is, how intelligent they are, how positive or negative, how successful, and other factors that are important to us as individuals. We tend to stick with these decisions until proved otherwise.

I read a report in the media, just before the Wimbledon tennis tournament in 2008. It was suggesting that many people didn’t want Andy Murray, the Scottish tennis player, to do well in the tournament. These people said that they didn’t like him, based on seeing him interviewed on TV or playing tennis. They felt he was too dour and lacked personality. Some people even suggested that he would be a difficult person to deal with.

This fast decision making process, based on very little information, and be it right or wrong, is one of our built in programs.

When our cavemen ancestors were wandering around, club in hand, in a hostile environment; they often came upon other cavemen and scary creatures. In order to survive, they had to make quick decisions – ‘Do I strike up a conversation with this other creature, do I make a run for it, or do I bash them with my club?

So, be very much aware; when someone meets you for the first time, or speaks to you on the phone; they are making several decisions about you, just as you are making decisions about them. They may even be deciding within seconds if you’re a difficult person, and of course, you may also come to the same decision.

At this point; you may be saying to your self – ‘That’s just too bad, because I am as I am; that’s my personality. I was born this way, I was brought up this way, and there’s not much I can do about it.’ Well there is!

Let me explain; this isn’t about your personality, it’s about behaviour and thoughts. Behaviour and thoughts are learned and they can be unlearned and replaced with something else.

More information in this new book -

Take charge of your behaviour and don’t take chances with your first impression.

Are You Positive You’re Not Negative?

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Have you ever thought about the number of negative words and phrases you use every day? And of course, negative words bring negative results.

A few years ago I visited a nuclear power station with my local Chamber of Commerce. Before the tour of the plant we were entertained by a presentation on the workings of a nuclear power station. If the presenter used the word ‘safe’ once, she used it twenty times.
She told us that the nuclear reactor was totally ‘safe’ and that if anything did go wrong, we would be ‘safe’ because the reactor would be ‘safely’ shut down.
I felt ‘safe’ before I visited this power station; I was now beginning to feel distinctly ‘unsafe.’

It is very easy to inadvertently plant negative thoughts in people’s minds. People tend to pick up negative words in what you say and respond to them in a negative way. Let me give you an example:

If you say to a child who is walking along a wall – “Watch you don’t fall!” The child’s brain hears “fall” and that’s often what happens. It’s far better to say – “Please walk carefully.”
Some other examples:

Here are some Don’t says and some Do says:


“Sorry to keep you waiting”                                                                          “Thank you for waiting”
“Please do not hesitate to contact me”                                                     “Please contact me at any time”
“No problem”                                                                                                     “It’s my pleasure”
“This wont be difficult to do”                                                                        “This will be easy to do”

Some food for thought; if you use more positive language you’ll have more positive results.

What are your thoughts?

Who Decides Your Behaviour?

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Has this ever happened to you? You’re about to meet or speak to a customer, a new colleague or even somebody in your social life, and someone else describes this person to you. Let me give you an example of what I mean.

I was running a seminar at a client’s office and I was discussing the arrangements for getting into the building and finding the training room with my contact, Steve. He explained that I had to check in with the security guard at the reception desk.

‘You’ll not get much help from him,’ says Steve. He’s a typical security guard, a grumpy old so ‘n so and he won’t be much help. My first response, when I arrived at the office, was to prepare to do battle with this typical security guard. However, at the last moment I checked myself, and decided to practice what I preach. I approached the security guard, told him who I was in a warm and friendly manner, and asked for directions to the training room.

John, as his name badge indicated, said that he’d need to make a few phone calls to find out where my room was. In between these calls, we exchanged some small talk, and even managed some comments about the local football team’s performance the night before. Initially, John was a bit grumpy, but after a while he warmed up and ultimately, couldn’t have been more helpful.

I treated him with respect, I spent time getting to know him, and I expected him to respond in a helpful manner – and that’s how he responded. Steve, of course, had this thing in his head about typical security guards and treated John accordingly. He expected John to be grumpy and unhelpful; so that was how John responded to him.

People will often respond just as you expect, it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. So if you’re about to meet someone new, do not let other people decide your behaviour.

You have to decide who runs your mind; is it you, or is it somebody else?

What do you think?

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