Tips and Techniques to Apply for a Healthy and Productive Workplace

Posts Tagged ‘Difficult people’

There Is No Try

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Just imagine for a moment that the weather has been really good and you decide to have barbecue this weekend.

You phone all your friends to invite them over, and one of them says, “We have a couple of things to do that day, but we’ll try and come.”

What does that statement mean to you? When I put this scenario to a group of seminar participants, the majority come back with, “Your friend’s not coming!” Some people think the friend might turn up, and the others have no idea.

If you use the word ‘try’ to another person, the majority tend to hear it as a negative. “I’ll try to get this in the post tonight” means “You probably wont” “I’ll try and phone you tomorrow” means “You won’t”
Of course, it all depends on your relationship with the other person and perhaps their tone of voice and their body language, but I repeat; the majority of people hear the word ‘try’ as a negative.

So ‘try’ is a word to avoid whether you’re dealing with a customer, a colleague or a member of your staff. It can be replaced with something more honest such as – “This is what I can do” or “This is what I’m unable to do”

Instead of saying; “I’ll try and do this for you today” Why not say; “I’d like to think I could do this for you today, but I will do it for you tomorrow morning.”

You could even be more direct and say; “I’m unable to do this for you today, but I’ll be pleased to do it tomorrow morning.”

Customers, staff and all other people would rather know where they stand rather than hear the ‘wishy-washy’ ‘try’ word.

“Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’ - Yoda (from Star Wars)

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7 Steps to Become a Powerful Persuader

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Don’t you just hate it when people won’t listen and accept what you say?

I’ll always remember the first sales course I ever attended and the definition of selling that was drummed into my brain.

“Selling is the art of creating a desire in the mind of a buyer and satisfying that desire so that buyer and seller benefit.”

Now that may seem a bit old fashioned for many of today’s salespeople; but I believe the principle still holds true, particularly if we’re attempting to persuade another person. That could be a member of your team, a colleague, a customer, of even someone in your personal life.

If you’re going to persuade someone to change their behaviour, their viewpoint, their attitude, any other aspect of their business or personal life, then you’re talking about changing a mindset.
If anyone is going to change their mindset, then they need to envisage benefits for them that outweigh their present circumstances or situation.
If you’re the person doing the persuading, then you need the following skills, qualities and characteristics which make you believable and credible.

Belief - Successful persuaders believe in themselves and what they’re talking about. After all, if you don’t believe in what you’re saying, how do you expect anyone else to?

Enthusiasm – I’ve known people who totally believe in what they’re saying but fail to communicate with any enthusiasm or passion. Many people find difficulty with this; however, if you want to persuade someone, you’d better find a way to get enthusiastic about it.

Knowledge – you must know what you’re talking about, so make sure you have all the information, facts, figures and statistics to make your case.

Empathy – Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What do you think is important to them? Consider carefully why they should accept what you’re saying.
If someone is frightened of flying, then there’s no point in telling them not to be silly and to stop behaving like a baby. You need to think about how you might feel in these circumstances, and what might persuade you to change your mind. You need to outweigh the fear with benefits relevant to the individual.

Persistence – if you want to persuade someone, don’t give up on the first “no” or rejection of what you say. Persist and persist – but do it nicely!
People wont necessarily react in a negative way to your persistence when they realise you really believe what you’re saying.

There’s a fine line between being persistent and being a nuisance. Watch the other person’s reactions, and if it looks like you’re persisting too much – stop!
Energy – put energy into all your interactions with other people. Energy fuels enthusiasm; we are persuaded by people with energy.
Many TV presenters use their energy to sell us their ideas. Think of the celebrity chefs on TV persuading us to produce fabulous meals, or other presenters who get us all excited about re-modelling our homes or gardens.

Consistency – Everything you do or say is important, everything counts. If you want to be a powerful persuader then you must be consistent. If you’re trying to persuade someone to keep their promises, then you must always keep yours. If you say – “I’ll phone you back in ten minutes” then phone them back in nine minutes.

To be a powerful persuader you need many skills, qualities and characteristics. Even with them all in place, there is still no guarantee of success. However, people are more likely to be persuaded by people they trust, they like and have a good relationship with.

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Difficult People Just Have a Different Programme

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Have you been late for anything or anyone today, or are you one of these people who is always on time?

In any interaction between people, there will always be:

The way they see it – The way you see it – The way it is.

Take the example of Dave who usually arrives about 10-15 minutes late for a meeting.

The way he sees it is - ‘We’re supposed to meet at 8 and I’m here just after that. I don’t suppose anyone expects me to be here dead on 8 o’clock.’

If you’re an on time person then:

The way you see it is – ‘Dave is so selfish, he just shows up whenever it suits him. I’ve been here since 7.45 so that we can start at 8 o’clock; he has no respect for me or any of his colleagues.’

The way it is – Dave arrived at 8.12am

Your programming tells you that people should show up early or dead on time for a meeting. Dave’s programming, tells him that; ‘It’s only a meeting, it’ll be boring anyway, so we’ll try to have a laugh, and I’ll get there when I get there!’

I’m the person who always turns up early for an appointment, be it business or pleasure. I have friends who are like me, and always turn up on time; and I have other friends who arrive just when they’re ready. At one time I might have allowed this to annoy me; but now I try to think rather than react. I realise that this is the way these friends are, and in no way does it make them any less of a friend.

Let’s pick on Dave again; he might say to a customer – ‘I’ll phone you back in a couple of minutes.’ He may intend to phone them back when he has all the information. That could be within ten minutes, thirty minutes, one hour or the next two hours. The other person on hearing that Dave is going to phone back in a couple of minutes, may sit by the phone waiting for it to ring. When it doesn’t, they phone back, in a negative frame of mind, and then Dave has a difficult person to deal with.

Personal relationships often come to grief because of this inability to see it the way the other person does. A man may stop for a drink with his friends after work and phone his wife to say that he will be home later. She translates later as perhaps 8 to 9 pm. But he believes later is – ‘you’ll see me when you see me;’ guess what happens?

We are all very different. How often have you been to a play or a movie and thoroughly enjoyed it; however, the person you were with, didn’t enjoy it at all. You think – ‘What’s wrong with them; they must be stupid, or perhaps they’re just being difficult.’

When someone doesn’t see things the way you do, there is potential for you to get stressed and collect negative feelings. What then happens is; you dump these negative feelings on the other person, and then you have a difficult situation. The way to avoid these negative feelings is to:

  • Accept people the way they are
  • Decide not to react to other people’s behaviour
  • Be responsible for your own feelings
  • Change you expectations
  • Ask for help when you need it
  • Think before you communicate

Some food for thought; next time you have to deal with a difficult person, remember, they may just be running a different programme from you.

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Fabio Capello Should Have Read This Book

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Have you ever heard a manager say – “I don’t care if my staff like me or not as long as they respect me.” – What a load of baloney!

It doesn’t matter if you are in business or in sport. If you want a highly motivated team who produce results, then it makes a truckload of difference if they like you!

I’ve been reading reports about the football teams in the World Cup and the relationships with their manager.
Before England was so decidedly beaten by Germany, and in the build up to the Algeria game, one newspaper reported – “the squad have grown sick and tired of Capello’s off-hand attitude. One senior player complained that the Italian had walked past him in the team hotel without even saying hello.”

Now that may or may not be true, but other reports suggest that Capello may be respected by the team, but they certainly don’t seem to like him.

Phil Neville the Everton, England and ex Manchester United footballer once    commented – “If the players like you, then that decides ninety-five percent of your success as a manager.”

If you read my article ‘What Makes Good Managers Good’ you’ll see that successful managers such as Sir Alex Ferguson and Jose Mourinho are very much liked by their team members.

That human connection is what separates the respected managers from the highly successful and liked ones!

‘How to be a Motivational Manager’ is available for all football mangers and anyone else who wants a successful team

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5 Benefits of Positive Feedback

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Do you remember how you felt after your last interaction with another person either on the phone or face to face? That person – it could have been a customer, a colleague, a salesperson, a friend or even a member of your family.

  • Did they make you feel good, uplifted and more positive?

Or

  • Did they leave you feeling neutral?

Or

  • Did they make you feel down and more negative?

Unfortunately, most of us have grown up in a negative culture where it’s much easier to tell people what they did wrong rather than praising them when they succeed.

Research in the United States found that 65% of employees received no recognition for good work in the past year.  Similar research in other countries of the world shows comparable results.
Other research has shown that the number one reason people leave their job, and customers take their business elsewhere, is that they don’t feel appreciated.
And if you think about it; many people leave their partners for the very same reason!

If customer’s leave an interaction with you or one of your team feeling better than they did before, then they’re much more likely to:

  • Come back
  • Recommend you to other people
  • Spend more with you.

If one of your team feels better after an interaction with you then they’re much more likely to pass that feeling onto a customer.

“The way you treat your staff is the way they’ll treat your customers” – Karl Albrecht

If you give five positive comments to one negative comment to the other people in your life, then you’ll have:

  1. More happy customers
  2. A workplace that’s more productive and more fun
  3. More friends
  4. Better relationships
  5. A healthier, happier and longer life

Remember – “Hand out warm glows, not dampeners.”

To listen to this post, please click -  The Benefits of Positive Feedback

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How to Manage Difficult People Book Review

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Book review taken from BuilderJobs magazine:

“The author worked as a manager in sales and customer service for 15 years, so he should know a thing or two about dealing with difficult people, and his practical expertise certainly shows. This book is stuffed with sound advice, although Fairweather can be a trifle self-indulgent at times. Covers all the bases, from identifying difficult people to developing strategies for success.”

I wonder what the reviewer means by ‘self-indulgent’!?

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Handling Difficult People – Procurement Asia Magazine

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If you have any difficulty reading this, please let me know and I’ll send the original article.

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Discover the Cure for Cranky Customers

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Article from Today’s Manager – Singapore

If you have difficulty reading this, please let me know and I’ll send you the original copy.

Managing Difficult People – Don’t Let Pet Peeves Hook You

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Do you have any pet peeves that annoy you about other people?

When I’m running a Managing Difficult People seminar, I ask the participants to make a list of pet peeves that they have about other people, either in their business or personal life.

Some of the participants are reluctant to admit their pet peeves. They believe they shouldn’t have any, or they’re too embarrassed to admit to them. With a bit of encouragement from me, and some of the more outspoken members of the group, we eventually end up with a huge list on the flip chart.

People will talk about things that irritate them about other people, and drive them crazy. Things they disapprove of, find embarrassing, or just don’t like. Here are some of the pet peeves I’ve heard from seminar participants:

Speaking with your mouth full
Bad breath
Body odour
Not saying please or thank you
General bad manners
Answering a mobile phone in the middle of a conversation
Squeezing the toothpaste from the wrong end
Putting a toilet roll on the holder the wrong way around
Untidiness
Bad timekeeping
Smoking
Obesity
Drunkenness
Not looking you in the eye
Slurping food or drink
Not listening
Loud music
Loud people

As you will see, the list goes on and on.

Once we have all these pet peeves on our flip chart, I then ask the group to vote on each one. In a group of, let’s say, 20 people; 12 people might say ‘speaking with your mouth full’ is a pet peeve for them. Another 6 people might say ‘untidiness’ is a peeve for them.

What comes out of this, as you will see, is that not all of us have the same pet peeves. If you consistently arrive late, this can drive some people crazy, while others don’t really care if you’re late or not.

You develop these pet peeves based on how you were brought up; how you were programmed. You probably learned them from your parents and all the other people you grew up with.

When I was a child, I was never allowed to waste food. I had to eat everything that was on my plate before I could leave the table. This programming is so strong, that as an adult I admit to being a bit peeved by people who pick at their food and leave lots on the plate without eating it.

When we interact with other people it is highly possible that we allow our pet peeves to influence that interaction.

I was running a seminar for some bank employees and several of them stated the same pet peeve. They hate when a customer answers their mobile phone in the middle of a transaction or a conversation. Because the bank employee finds this behaviour annoying, it could potentially affect how he or she deals with the customer.

The staff member’s annoyance, albeit slight, may be transmitted to a customer by tone of voice or body language. It is then possible that the customer may become difficult. Any customer’s behaviour, which is a pet peeve for you, may hook you into negative behaviour, and that will potentially cause problems.

The other aspect of this is; we all have pet peeves, however, what may be a pet peeve for you may not be for the other person. You may think that being a bit late with your report is not such a big deal; but the other person does, and that, potentially, causes them to be difficult.

Some food for thought!

If you want to listen to this article or download it to your MP3 player; please click here.

6 Things You Must Know About Handling Resistance

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Do you ever meet with resistance from other people – I bet you do! It might be a customer, a colleague, a member of your team or even someone in your personal life. Dealing with resistance is one of the biggest challenges faced by business people; so let’s consider why we get resistance and how we can handle it.

I’m going to talk a bit about customers and sales but the same rules apply whether it’s a colleague or someone in your personal life.

Well there’s good news and bad news – first the good news. When someone says – “I don’t agree with you” or “I can’t accept what you say” or “You’re too expensive” or “We already deal with someone else,” then they may not be telling the truth.

The bad news is – most of them won’t accept what you say, or buy what you’re selling anyway. But don’t cut your wrists just yet because, there’s more good news.
If you can find out exactly what the other person means when they say – “No” then you have a much better chance of improving your success rate, getting more sales and more agreement.

What you need to realise is that, there is no smart answer to the other person’s resistance. People are always looking for the ‘things to say’ that’ll deal with resistance. How can you possibly have an answer if the other person isn’t telling the truth is the first place?

Many sales people believe the customer when they say – “You’re too expensive.” They then start offering discounts or walk away from the sale, complaining that their product or service isn’t competitive enough.

So why do people say “No”

Well I don’t want you to burst into tears but the First and most important reason is that – they may not like you! That doesn’t mean that they dislike you, it just means that they don’t know you, and they haven’t built any trust or a relationship with you.
So firstly – get them to like you, sell yourself, be trustworthy, don’t talk too much, be a great listener, smile, be friendly.

If you want to be intresting, then be intrested!

The Second reason people say “no” could be that they haven’t understood what on earth you’re talking about. Maybe you haven’t spoken clearly enough, or you’ve used too many technical terms or jargon. This can make you seem like a real ‘smarty pants,’ and that takes us back to our First reason.
The answer should be simple enough; use language the other person can understand and keep checking by asking questions.

The Third reason may be that the person wasn’t listening. They might have been distracted by something or somebody; perhaps your big bright eyes, or the fact that they’re tired, hot and need a comfort break.
The trick is to keep checking: “Did you understand that last bit, John or did I make it confusing?”

Fourthly, they may not be the right person. The person you’re speaking with may be telling you – “I’m not able to give you an answer at this time” or “We have another supplier” or “I’d like to think about this.”
However, they may not be the decision maker. To make sure you’re speaking to the right person, be brave and ask the question – “Is it you who’ll make the final decision or do I need to speak to someone else?”

The Fifth reason could be that they don’t like change.
Sometimes our staff, our potential customers, or even our friends, like to stay in their comfort zone and they don’t want you telling them they have to change their way of doing things. Even although they could possibly save money, or make their life easier; people are generally reluctant to change.

It’s therefore important to outweigh the other person’s reluctance by emphasising the benefits of what you’re suggesting, or the benefits of your product or service.

Also, keep selling yourself and appeal to the person’s emotional side, don’t be too logical. Always remember that human beings will almost always allow their hearts to rule their heads when buying something or making a decision to change.

So appeal to their emotions; keep telling them how much better they’ll feel (not necessarily using these words) when they accept what you’re saying! How good they’ll look or how others will feel about them.

Lastly, it may just be that the other person genuinely doesn’t want, or need, or have the money for what you’re proposing

The only way to find out which of these Six points is the truth, is to keep asking questions, listen carefully to the other person and watch their body language.

If you’re in sales; always remember that – “You’re too expensive” could mean. – “I haven’t understood a word you’ve said” or “I’m going on holiday tomorrow” or “My son-in-law works for your competitor.”

When someone resists what you say, make sure you know what they really mean before you deal with it.

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