Motivation Shots from The Doc

Tips and Techniques to Apply for a Healthy and Productive Workplace
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Posts Tagged ‘Self-esteem’

Find Courage to Manage Difficult People

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on March 19th, 2010 View Comments

Do you want to become better at managing difficult people? Then you need courage to take action; you need to run your own mind, change your behaviour program and do something about it.

It’s often the case that you put off dealing with the difficult person because you don’t like confrontation. You also fear that it won’t make any difference.

My book, ‘How to Manage Difficult People’, will give you practical things to say and more confidence to approach a difficult person. But you need to get your internal conversations going, and talk to yourself in a very positive way.

Many managers ignore poor behaviour in their staff because they believe that it might result in conflict and de-motivate them. What happens then is that the staff member continues to behave badly, the other team members get de-motivated and the customers and the business suffer.

Managers need courage to deal with these difficult staff members, and do it as soon as possible. This will make their lives easier and reduce the levels of stress.

When faced with a difficult situation; listen to your internal conversations and ask yourself:
“Is this decision I’m making, the best one for me?”
If the answer is “No” then change it.

If you find yourself lacking courage to do something, or deal with a difficult situation, ask yourself:
“What will be the result of not doing this?”
You’ll come back with answer such as:

The problem will continue
I’ll still be afraid
I’ll regret it later
I feel bad about myself
Other people will think I’m a wimp
I’ll always be taken advantage of

Then ask yourself – ‘What will be the result of doing something about this?’

I’ll feel better
The problem will be resolved
And if not, I’ll be glad I approached it
Other people will admire me
I’ll be less likely to be taken advantage of

Dealing with a difficult person may make you nervous; I know that I always had butterflies in my stomach when I was about to face a difficult customer or a staff member. Let me give you some thoughts on nervousness.
Being nervous is a good thing. The nerves, or the fear, cause a cocktail of stress chemicals to flood through your system, to help you deal with whatever is attacking you. These chemicals will make your brain sharper, give you more energy, and make you better equipped to manage the difficult person.

Fear is good, but as long as you are aware of it, and keep it under control – that’s what courage is all about.

There is book by Susan Jeffers, titled – ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway‘. That’s what I advise you to do.

Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others.  Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

You can listen to this article or download it to your MP3 player by clicking here.

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Posted in Difficult people, Leadership, Management, Motivation

3 Tips For Self-Motivation

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on March 18th, 2010 View Comments

If you’re like me, then you probably feel a bit a bit down and a bit de-motivated from time to time. It’s a normal human reaction; it’s allowed and it’s often caused by a lack of confidence.

I usually find it’s because I’m focussing on what I want to achieve and neglecting what I already have achieved. So here are three tips that work for me:

Focus on the positive things in your life – the things you can do – not the things you can’t!

Think about what you’ve achieved in the past – not what you haven’t!

Look at where you’re going – not where you’ve been!

And in the words of Abraham Lincoln:

“Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be”

I read this quote some years ago and I know some people have a problem with it.  We all face difficult situations in our lives and some people more than others. However, I’ve made up my mind to be as happy as I can and I recommend you do the same.

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Posted in Motivation

How To Feel More Motivated?

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on March 12th, 2010 View Comments

I have a confession to make; I, on occasion, have felt a little de-motivated. Yes, me, the ‘Motivation Doctor’ does, like everybody else, feel a bit lacking in motivation from time to time.

In previous Motivation Shots we looked at developing your Brain and Body Energy to build self-motivation; so here’s another suggestion:

Spend time with positive people.

This Saturday I will have lunch (well beer and chips) with five of my really good friends. They are always interested in what I’m doing, they’re very supportive and they really make me laugh! When I leave them, I feel much better and more motivated than I did before we met.

I like to think that I do the same for them, and that’s the secret to receiving support and motivation from others:

You need to hand out some ‘Warm Glows’

So let me ask you; do you remember how you felt after your last interaction with another person either on the phone or face to face? That person – it could have been one of your customers, a colleague, a salesperson, a friend or even a member of your family.

  • Did they make you feel good, uplifted and more positive?
  • Did they leave you feeling neutral?
  • Did they make you feel down and more negative?

Unfortunately, most of us have grown up in a negative culture where it’s much easier to tell people what they did wrong rather than praising them when they succeed. Research in the United States found that 65% of employees received no recognition for good work in the past year.  Similar research in other countries of the world shows comparable results.

Other research has shown that the number one reason people leave their job and customers take their business elsewhere is that they don’t feel appreciated. (And if you think about it – many people leave their partners for the very same reason)

If customer’s leave an interaction with you or one of your team feeling better than they did before, then they’re much more likely to come back, recommend you to other people and spend more money with you.

If one of your team feels better after an interaction with you then they’re much more likely to pass that feeling onto a customer.

“The way you treat your staff is the way they’ll treat your customers” – Karl Albrecht

If a friend feels better and more motivated after spending time in your company, then they’re much more likely to return these feelings to you.

So, go ahead; give some positive and motivational comments to the other people in your life and you’ll have – more happy customers – a workplace that’s more productive and more fun – more friends – better relationships and a healthier, happier and longer life.

Remember – “Hand out warm glows, not dampeners.”

Let me know what you think.

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Posted in Motivation

Forget Goal Setting – Just Do It!

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on February 23rd, 2010 View Comments

Did you make any New Year resolutions at the start of this year? If you did, then they were probably about what you wanted to achieve in 2010?
If you read any self-help or how to books, then they probably suggested that you need to set goals. I’ve even advocated goal setting myself in the past.
You write down your goals and detail them for family life, friends, finances, career, recreation, health, learning, education and even your spiritual life.There’s loads of information on the internet about how to set goals, books you can buy, planning diaries and even downloadable software.

Now I’m not knocking all that stuff, however I’ve now come to the conclusion that successful people with strong self-belief don’t do goal setting in this way – why?

Because their too busy doing what they need to do, to get what they want to get.

Successful people don’t spend too much time writing down what they want out of life they just get on and do it.

To be successful at whatever it is you want to do, you need to ask yourself – “What do I really want to achieve?” What are my dreams and desires, what do I want to build, or create and what sort of person do I want to be.

You need to clearly identify what it is you want out of life, what do you hunger and thirst for?
If someone held your head under water you’d quickly realise what you wanted – oxygen! You need to feel like this to be successful.

Most of us experience this feeling when we fall in love. We do almost anything to impress and be with the person of our dreams.
This is how people create success, it’s how new countries were discovered, products were invented, Everest was conquered and man walked on the moon.

Now you may not want to achieve something so dramatic, you may want to have a successful plumbing business, or be an excellent accountant, or even run a marathon. Whatever it is, once you identify and focus on it you’ll release the motivation to make it happen.

There is an often-told story of the swimmer, Florence Chadwick. On her first attempt to swim the English Channel she encountered huge waves and chilling temperature. Her trainers were alongside her in a boat. They had greased her body to provide protection from the cold and gave her hot soup from a vacuum flask. She had everything going for her to ensure she was successful.

However a heavy fog set in and as the fog descended, her vision was limited to only a few feet. The water seemed to get colder, the waves higher and she started suffering from cramp in her arms and legs. She eventually gave up her effort and asked her trainers to take her on board the boat. What she didn’t realise was that she was only a short distance from the shore. When the reporters asked her why she’d given up when she was such a short distance form the shore. Her answer was quite simple – “I lost sight of what I wanted to achieve. I’m not sure that I had it firmly in my mind.”

You need to have a clear mental picture of where you want to go. You need to visualise yourself being successful and work towards it, you then have a far better chance of achieving what you want to achieve.

Think about what you’re doing every day and ask yourself – “Is what I’m doing now getting me to where I want to get to?”

If the answer is “No” then do something different. Get out of your comfort zone and change your habits.

The psychologist Abraham Maslow said - “If you deliberately plan to be less than you are capable of being; then I warn you that you will be unhappy for the rest of your life. You will be evading your own capabilities, your own possibilities.”

And case your wondering about Florence Chadwick – she did become the first woman to swim the English Channel on the 8th August 1950. It took her 13 hours 25 minutes and I bet her arms were tired!

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Posted in Motivation

Don’t Take Chances With First Impressions

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on February 10th, 2010 View Comments

Are you aware of how quickly people will form an opinion about you?

A few years ago there was a television commercial for a major health insurance company. The strap line of this commercial was – You Are Amazing! It made the point that every human being is unique and totally different from any other on the planet. People are such wonderful, complex and complicated individuals. Our bodies are all constructed differently, and our minds, even more so!

When we meet and interact with other individuals we exchange all sorts of information. This is communicated by the words we use, our tone of voice and our body language. Research by psychologists suggests that we all make about eleven decisions about other people within two minutes of meeting them. We decide whether we like the other person, what their background is, how intelligent they are, how positive or negative, how successful, and other factors that are important to us as individuals. We tend to stick with these decisions until proved otherwise.

I read a report in the media, just before the Wimbledon tennis tournament in 2008. It was suggesting that many people didn’t want Andy Murray, the Scottish tennis player, to do well in the tournament. These people said that they didn’t like him, based on seeing him interviewed on TV or playing tennis. They felt he was too dour and lacked personality. Some people even suggested that he would be a difficult person to deal with.

This fast decision making process, based on very little information, and be it right or wrong, is one of our built in programs.

When our cavemen ancestors were wandering around, club in hand, in a hostile environment; they often came upon other cavemen and scary creatures. In order to survive, they had to make quick decisions – ‘Do I strike up a conversation with this other creature, do I make a run for it, or do I bash them with my club?

So, be very much aware; when someone meets you for the first time, or speaks to you on the phone; they are making several decisions about you, just as you are making decisions about them. They may even be deciding within seconds if you’re a difficult person, and of course, you may also come to the same decision.

At this point; you may be saying to your self – ‘That’s just too bad, because I am as I am; that’s my personality. I was born this way, I was brought up this way, and there’s not much I can do about it.’ Well there is!

Let me explain; this isn’t about your personality, it’s about behaviour and thoughts. Behaviour and thoughts are learned and they can be unlearned and replaced with something else.

More information in this new book -

Take charge of your behaviour and don’t take chances with your first impression.

Posted in Difficult people, Leadership, Motivation, Public speaking

Are You Positive You’re Not Negative?

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on February 8th, 2010 View Comments

Have you ever thought about the number of negative words and phrases you use every day? And of course, negative words bring negative results.

A few years ago I visited a nuclear power station with my local Chamber of Commerce. Before the tour of the plant we were entertained by a presentation on the workings of a nuclear power station. If the presenter used the word ‘safe’ once, she used it twenty times.
She told us that the nuclear reactor was totally ‘safe’ and that if anything did go wrong, we would be ‘safe’ because the reactor would be ‘safely’ shut down.
I felt ‘safe’ before I visited this power station; I was now beginning to feel distinctly ‘unsafe.’

It is very easy to inadvertently plant negative thoughts in people’s minds. People tend to pick up negative words in what you say and respond to them in a negative way. Let me give you an example:

If you say to a child who is walking along a wall – “Watch you don’t fall!” The child’s brain hears “fall” and that’s often what happens. It’s far better to say – “Please walk carefully.”
Some other examples:

Here are some Don’t says and some Do says:


“Sorry to keep you waiting”                                                                          “Thank you for waiting”
“Please do not hesitate to contact me”                                                     “Please contact me at any time”
“No problem”                                                                                                     “It’s my pleasure”
“This wont be difficult to do”                                                                        “This will be easy to do”

Some food for thought; if you use more positive language you’ll have more positive results.

What are your thoughts?

Posted in Difficult people, Motivation

How to Have More Energy

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on January 12th, 2010 View Comments

Tell me, does this describe you. You’ve just had a hard day at work. You’ve had difficult customers to deal with; your boss is giving you a hard time and you wish you’d gone to bed earlier last night. You feel that you don’t have any energy and you just want to go home a veg out in front of the TV.

I found myself feeling somewhat similar the other day. I’d had a hard day and I’d booked a circuit class at the gym. I nearly cancelled and went home but I’m glad I didn’t because I just remembered two things. We have brain energy and we have body energy.
Your brain energy may be depleted but your body energy may be okay. So when you get that tired feeling it may just be your brain that’s had enough.

Now, if you have a particularly physical job, then your body energy may also be depleted. However, many of us nowadays sit behind desks and the only physical activity we get is punching the computer keys or picking up the phone.
Even when you feel tired, you may feel a whole to better after some exercise.

Now I know you think you don’t have the time. You may also be the type that doesn’t want to go to the gym and lift heavy things or leap about in an aerobics class; however, you need to take some exercise that makes you sweat a little.
I’m sorry, but a round of golf doesn’t count, it isn’t the kind of exercise you need. Golf is great and it’s good for the stress but it doesn’t make you sweat.

If you’re going to walk then walk fast for a distance, enough to push up the heart rate and increase the breathing.
Start to think how you can make your exercise enjoyable. I see some people at the gym making the whole business a real chore. They get on a bike or a rowing machine and try to kill themselves for twenty minutes. If that’s your thing then fine but please don’t make it a chore, plug into the sound system and catch up with what’s on TV.

As I’ve said, I like to do circuit classes with a whole group of people many of which have become friends. I enjoy the chat beforehand, the music and the exercise.

So do yourself a favour, the next time you have a hard day, take some physical exercise. You’ll feel a whole lot better, you’ll sleep better and you’ll feel less stressed.

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Posted in Motivation

Expand Your Comfort Zone

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on November 19th, 2009 View Comments

Are you a creature of habit? I just realised this week that I always use the same changing area at the gym. I end up using the same locker, talking to the same people, and doing the same exercises in the gym.

Our habits, keep us safe, stop us getting run over by a bus, and keep us in a comfort zone. But if our ancestors had stayed in their comfort zone, they’d never have moved out of the caves and into smart, central heated apartments.

I’ve moved to a new changing area, found some new people to talk to, and changed the exercise torture regime. It makes it all, a bit more interesting.

If you want to move forward in whatever it is you do, you’re going to have to break some old habits, make some new ones, and expand your comfort zone.

But keep looking right and left, and left and right as you cross the road; don’t want you denting a bus because of me!

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Posted in Leadership, Management, Motivation

Don’t be Nervous if you’re Nervous

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on November 17th, 2009 View Comments

images

When was the last time you did some public speaking? Perhaps it was a presentation to a client or your colleagues or an event in your personal life. Did you feel nervous?
It sometimes surprises people when I tell them I get slightly nervous before a speaking or training event. They seem to think that because I’ve been doing it for years, nervousness would no longer be an issue.

Public speaking is still one of our greatest fears; it turns grown men and women into nervous wrecks. The mere thought of it turns our tongue to cotton wool, causes our internal plumbing to act up and turns our knees to jelly.
However, ‘nerves’ is a normal human emotion and as I often say, “I’d be nervous if I wasn’t nervous!” It’s how you handle the nerves that will determine your success as a speaker.

The great actress Sarah Bernhardt once asked a young actress whether or not she suffered from nerves before she appeared on stage. “Oh no, Madame,” the young actress replied. “Well” Sarah Bernhardt said, “Don’t worry; it will come, along with talent.”

Nervousness is vital, you need nerves. Nerves release a cocktail of chemicals into your blood stream, one of which is adrenaline. This in turn releases glucose into the blood stream. This gives you more energy and your mind becomes sharper.
The thing is, not to overdose on these stress chemicals or you’ll start to shake like a jelly and overheat. You need to work off some of these chemicals.

Murray Walker the ex motor racing commentator used to run on the spot as fast as he could just before he went on air. You could try that or run up and down the stairs. Wave your arms about like a lunatic and get lots of oxygen into your system. Obviously it’s better to do this when no one is looking!!
Speak to as many members of the audience as you can, before you stand up to speak. This tricks your brain into thinking you’re talking to lots of your friends.
Speak louder than you’d normally do, that helps the nerves as well. It also keeps the people in the front row awake and makes sure the people at the back get the message.
Have a glass of water handy for that dry mouth. Don’t be afraid to stop and have a drink, it makes you look really professional. However, one word of warning; do not drink alcohol. It might give you Dutch courage but your audience will end up thinking you’re speaking Dutch!

If you’re into creative visualisation, then that’s also a great way to handle the nerves. Spend some time before the event visualising yourself being really successful. What ever you do, have lots of positive self talk with yourself.

Believe me; once you start to apply this, the butterflies in your stomach will all be flying in formation.

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Posted in Leadership, Motivation

Selling Yourself – It’s not about you

Posted by The Motivation Doctor on November 17th, 2009 View Comments
British propaganda
Image by Scientific deliriums via Flickr

Have you had the cold yet? I hope you don’t get it; I’ve been lucky so far, but I know several people who’ve been laid low recently, by the dreaded cold and flu.

Last year I spent three weeks suffering from a lousy cold; all the coughing, snuffling and sneezing symptoms which send other people running for cover. I also found myself apologising to people I’d come into contact with – “You must excuse me, I’m suffering from the cold” would be my obvious statement.

However, instead of any sympathy all I heard was – “Oh, I’ve got it too, and my whole family’s had it, and it’s a whole lot worse than yours.” Okay, so they didn’t exactly say the last bit but that seemed to be the underlying message. This response isn’t the best for people who want to be good at ‘selling themselves.’

To be a first class salesperson or a successful manager or just a good communicator, you need to be good at selling yourself and building rapport. So when someone says – “You must excuse me, I’m suffering from the cold,” it’s far better to say something like – “I’m sorry to hear that, it can be a real pain having the cold.”

Similarly, when some tells you about a holiday they’ve just had or about to take, don’t say – “Me too, I’ve been there, it’s great.” Far better to say something like – “That sounds fantastic, I’m sure you’ll have a great time!” Ask questions about the holiday and how they enjoyed it. You could then go on to tell them about how much you enjoyed it when you were there, but quickly get back to talking about their experience.

Selling yourself (or anything else) isn’t about talking about you or what you do; it’s about listening and understanding the other person’s experience. So if you want to be INTERESTING then be INTERESTED!

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Posted in Leadership, Motivation
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